Give It Away

I would like to think I remain objective in the face of bad news - at least objective enough to function. This economic crisis, however, has had a significant impact on me and the way that I look at the future. I am only now beginning to understand some of the things my grandma said about the Great Depression. Okay, lets not argue about whether this is a depression or, if it is, whether or not it is the same. The point is that more than any time in my life more people are hurting. More people are suffering. Things are steadily getting worse.

In every other economic downturn in my life, things have gotten a little bumpy, a little scary. But somehow you just knew the plane was going down. Now, we are in a tailspin and are trying to figure out how the plane won't end up smacking the ground in a ball of flames.

It is times like these where it is important to let go. I recently let go of a lot of clothes I was saving for no particular purpose. When the opportunity came to give them to people who needed them, I happily obliged. This is the way this economic crisis is going to be bearable. By helping one another with the necessities, there is the dual benefit of delivering what is needed and keeping civility in our society. The act of giving in these times is what will separate mankind from animals. The instinct to horde and shun those in need can be powerful. Sure, nobody will admit it, but like any good tribesman, the first thing I want to do in a shortage is make sure there is enough for me and mine. Everyone else can just, well, find their own stuff. Giving keeps us one step ahead of this regression.

At some point during these tough times, the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness may catch up to you. Don't give in. Pick something and just give it away.

Keeping Balanced

So things have settled down at the office a little, of course the workload never really stops, but its all about keeping a balance. The situation that led to the the yelling in the office the other day was a complete leadership failure. It was my failure to trust and verify. Trust what someone says and verify it all the same. That second part is so important.

The beginning of the year is a great time for the renewal of commitments and relationships, but in that renewal process there comes a natural analysis of what those commitments and relationships mean to us. Sometimes it is hard to stare a relationship in the face and determine you've outgrown it or that it isn't healthy. It can be downright painful, in fact. Ultimately in the renewal of relationships and commitments is an affirmation that they are still right for you and you are right for them. If not, it means letting those go that are throwing you off balance.

I am not a pop-psych kind of Queer and don't believe a lot of the touchy-feely stuff. Maybe it is my B.A. in Psychology, but I tend to believe experience is the best teacher. Many of my friends have spent small fortunes in therapy only to say they "reached the end" with a particular therapist. Inevitably, they go on to another therapist and repeat every for another $175 an hour. Therapy can be awesome and I have respect for clients and therapists alike, but ultimately we must be able to make the decision whether something is good for us or not. When we are thrown off balance by a commitment or relationship, its not.

Karma

I'm not sure if Karma is the right title for this entry or not. I got chewed out at work this morning. Did I deserve it, sure, maybe, I don't know. Anyway, it is interesting to me that the day after I decide to make compassion a priority, I have this happen. I'm not saying happen to me, it just happened.

I think it is important to be careful about what we put out there for ourselves and others to believe. The challenge today was not whether or not I could take being chewed out, it was how I was going to react to others after the fact. And you know what? I was just fine. I didn't treat anyone with the level of disrespect I was treated with.

Not letting shit roll downhill is where the shift in the organizational paradigm begins. I'd like to think today that paradign shift started with me.

The Yellow Brick Road

Now that another year has been born and a new President has been seated in office, I have to pause and ask myself, "What now?" This isn't some dumbass New Year's resolution, this is a question about uncovering my own manifesto. What is your manifesto? What is that thing you will keep going after no matter what? For Obama, was it really the Presidency, or did he see it three quarters of the way through his life and something he might just be able to swing.

I used to be inspired by young kids who knew what they want. Now I realize that 95% of them will take detours, get lost, turn around, stay still, or simply die right there on the Yellow Brick Road. That's because nobody told us just how hard it would be. Nobody told us that the Wicked Witch does exist and sometimes she looks like poverty, drug addiction, cheating spouses, boredom, and discontent. You can find her and she can find you, but once you meet, she never leaves.

So what is there to do in Oz but keep fighting your way along, fighting your way out. Clicking your heels together won't help, but a touch of compassion will. Be compassionate with yourself and be compassionate with other. You don't have to dive something to give and sometimes the best thing to lend is an ear. As I'm developing my manifesto this year and figuring out what the hell it is I am supposed to be doing, I'm going to start with a little more compassion to those who are traveling the road with me. Hey, its not much, but its a start.

Our Wealth

It has been a while since I have been posted and I've been getting some flack about it. I appreciate that.

I have been thinking lately about what wealth means to my generation and the generations to follow. I am a generation X-er, a term I tend to disdain. It is only useful in so far as it classifies a group of people born between 1965 and 1981, more or less. The classification isn't useful for much else, particularly if you try to attribute a set of values, work ethic, or anything else to a group this large and diverse. What Gen X-ers do have in common is a forced paradigm shift when it comes to the accumulation and utilization of money.

My Dad gets pissed off when my brother and I say we want to take our money out of Social Security and invest it ourselves. My Dad thinks the whole system will tank and that he'll stop getting his SS. Well, Pops, our generation has already been told there won't be anything left for us. So every two weeks I am pissing away money for what? To keep pay those who already paid. I'm working on my class action suit. I figure at the rate SS is going, I will file my suit within twenty years. Thanks, Uncle Sam.

But wait, there is more. My generation is not poised for home ownership. Many of those who got a house through declared income at the height of the housing stupidity, have now lost their homes. Not only are they worse off financially then they were before, with that little mark on their credit, they won't own for at least another 15 years. For the rest of us who didn't buy, we're still looking at the market saying, "Who the hell can afford these homes?" My generation has been set up for failure.

After 9/11, Bush said, "Spend!" That was his solution. Well, Mr. President, Gen X has been spending their whole lives and not saving a whole lot because there isn't a whole lot to save for. We are forced to look at wealth differently. Wealth to us is time. Wealth to us is freedom. I recently read Tim Ferris' book The 4-Hour Workweek. It is a quick read, but profound. Ferris essentially says that time is the new wealth and traveling is the capitalization of that wealth.

The idea of Gen X isn't to cash out now by traveling around the world and coming home broke. Instead it is to make the most out of every day, get friends and family you love around you, get a job you truly enjoy, and go to bed each night in eager expectation of tomorrow. Not a bad plan. I think that is a wealth paradigm shift I can live with.

Good-Bye Golden Girl

News just broke that Estelle Getty of The Golden Girls fame has passed away. What I truly apprecaite about Estelle is that she spent 40 years struggling to make it as an actress before getting the role of a lifetime on Golden Girls. All in all, perhaps Estelle's fame was short-lived. She started on The Golden Girls in 1985, and by 1998 was dealing with ill health. For the past four years she has been too sick to make public appearances.

And who cares? This wonderful woman brought us so much joy. Her legacy will live on forever. There are fewer and fewer people I care to say that about. When I was at San Francisco Pride in June, a friend of mine from Rochester said when he is flipping channels and sees The Golden Girls, he will always stop to watch. So will I. Despite the fact I've seen every episode at least five times, I will continue to watch. And I will continue to laugh. God Bless You, Estelle.

Swimming Upstream

Sometimes it takes a whole lot to keep up. I don't mean just getting up in the morning and dragging your ass to work. There is just so much more to it than that. In order to succeed, it takes being a lot smarter than everyone around you, even though being smarter more often than not merely means paying attention.

I went out for drinks with a very good friend of mine this week. We hadn't seen each other in a long time, which is to say two months. Truth be known, we've been drifting apart for a while, but who wants to dwell on that. So my friend and I are drinking and telling stories, then he tells me that I have changed. He says I am more focused on money than I used to be. I don't want to seem rude, but since I don't drive a new car, wear designer clothes, or sleep with expensive prostitutes, I had to wonder where he was coming from. Turns out my friend has opted out.

With twins just over a year old, a job in a call center, and a wife who makes way more than he does, I would think my friend would be clamoring for a more lucrative career. Instead he has decided to live life one day at a time and whatever happens happens. So my lifestyle is now by contrast some strange mission of greed because I am still talking about owning a home and weird stuff like that.

As much as I may have tried to absorb the criticism, I couldn't. I just realize the frustration of my generation growing up in L.A. We won't have the houses are parents had. We won't have the job with longevity our parents had. Our generation is mobile and transitory. Our futures are just completely different and there is no model. So my friend has decided to simply conform to the reality that is. He hasn't opted out of anything, he isn't running on empty, he has merely turned downstream and is floating with the current.

I don't know where the current will take him. As for me, I am going to continue swimming upstream hoping that I am the one headed in the right direction.