Keeping Balanced

So things have settled down at the office a little, of course the workload never really stops, but its all about keeping a balance. The situation that led to the the yelling in the office the other day was a complete leadership failure. It was my failure to trust and verify. Trust what someone says and verify it all the same. That second part is so important.

The beginning of the year is a great time for the renewal of commitments and relationships, but in that renewal process there comes a natural analysis of what those commitments and relationships mean to us. Sometimes it is hard to stare a relationship in the face and determine you've outgrown it or that it isn't healthy. It can be downright painful, in fact. Ultimately in the renewal of relationships and commitments is an affirmation that they are still right for you and you are right for them. If not, it means letting those go that are throwing you off balance.

I am not a pop-psych kind of Queer and don't believe a lot of the touchy-feely stuff. Maybe it is my B.A. in Psychology, but I tend to believe experience is the best teacher. Many of my friends have spent small fortunes in therapy only to say they "reached the end" with a particular therapist. Inevitably, they go on to another therapist and repeat every for another $175 an hour. Therapy can be awesome and I have respect for clients and therapists alike, but ultimately we must be able to make the decision whether something is good for us or not. When we are thrown off balance by a commitment or relationship, its not.

Karma

I'm not sure if Karma is the right title for this entry or not. I got chewed out at work this morning. Did I deserve it, sure, maybe, I don't know. Anyway, it is interesting to me that the day after I decide to make compassion a priority, I have this happen. I'm not saying happen to me, it just happened.

I think it is important to be careful about what we put out there for ourselves and others to believe. The challenge today was not whether or not I could take being chewed out, it was how I was going to react to others after the fact. And you know what? I was just fine. I didn't treat anyone with the level of disrespect I was treated with.

Not letting shit roll downhill is where the shift in the organizational paradigm begins. I'd like to think today that paradign shift started with me.

The Yellow Brick Road

Now that another year has been born and a new President has been seated in office, I have to pause and ask myself, "What now?" This isn't some dumbass New Year's resolution, this is a question about uncovering my own manifesto. What is your manifesto? What is that thing you will keep going after no matter what? For Obama, was it really the Presidency, or did he see it three quarters of the way through his life and something he might just be able to swing.

I used to be inspired by young kids who knew what they want. Now I realize that 95% of them will take detours, get lost, turn around, stay still, or simply die right there on the Yellow Brick Road. That's because nobody told us just how hard it would be. Nobody told us that the Wicked Witch does exist and sometimes she looks like poverty, drug addiction, cheating spouses, boredom, and discontent. You can find her and she can find you, but once you meet, she never leaves.

So what is there to do in Oz but keep fighting your way along, fighting your way out. Clicking your heels together won't help, but a touch of compassion will. Be compassionate with yourself and be compassionate with other. You don't have to dive something to give and sometimes the best thing to lend is an ear. As I'm developing my manifesto this year and figuring out what the hell it is I am supposed to be doing, I'm going to start with a little more compassion to those who are traveling the road with me. Hey, its not much, but its a start.