Cyndi Lauper. Wow.

This past Saturday some good friends got us tix to go see Cyndi Lauper on her True Colors tour at the Greek Theater in L.A. What an awesome time. There was Erasure, Cyndi, and Rosie O'Donnell. What a talented trio. Cyndi has a humongous gay following, as evidenced by the thousands of screaming Queers at the concert. It was nothing short of Fabulous. My only complaint is that the Greek Theater is a little gestapo about their rules and regulations.

My so generous friends rented a limo for the ride from Long Beach to Los Angeles, which can be lengthy under the best conditions. There were six of us and I realized how stupid limos really are. Unless you are one of the two people sitting in the forward facing seats, you have to crawl in and out of the limo. Literally crawl. Who thought of this? Of course the sheer volume of alcohol in the limo helped to make up for the need to crawl in and out.

We arrived at the concert a little late so we missed the crowd, but not the excellent music. How these artists can make the old favorites sound new time and again is beyond me. I am appreciative of what they do for Queers in terms of recognition and acceptance and I am appreciative of what they do to music as an art form. Only Cyndi Lauper could get so many screaming fans off their asses to dance with Girls Just Want to Have Fun - a 20 year old tribute to I don't know what. But you just can't help but listen to her and say, "Wow."

Marriage Not As Queer As It Used To Be

Canadian wedding counters reported today that in 2007 there has only been one same-sex marriage, down from 107 last year. Our neighbors to the North seem to have fallen short of the anticipated demand for hooking up same gendered couple in the bonds of holy matrimony. When I heard this today, I was really quite shocked. It made me think about what the reaction in the United States would be. Would it be the same? When marriage was temporarily legalized in San Francisco and New Paltz, NY, the demand was outrageous. Lines around the block. Sleeping on sidewalks. Ponies prancing two by two. Well, you get the point. But that was when we knew that it wasn't quite legal. It was still a rebellious, edgy act to go get married. What if it was legal?

The preservation of Queer culture has always been important to me. I want to know that I am different and better because of it. I don't aspire to say that it is okay to be different. I say that it is my God given right to be different and I embrace that difference with every fiber of my being. That difference makes me who I am. One of the differences is that I cannot marry my partner of 11 years the way that a hetero couple can. How would I feel if this difference no longer existed? Would I still care as much about getting married? You bet I would.

Marriage cannot be a tool for others to dole out based on their perception of legitimacy. Yet, that is exactly how it is done. As tempted as I am, I won't go into my entire position on why marriage should be legal between same-sex couple, suffice to say I believe it should be a right for everyone. For the record, I do draw the line at marriages between animals and people. For all of this back story, the question remains, why have gay marriages declined so much in Toronto? I propose the reason for the drop in marriages is because we have the right to get married in Canada - or not get married. We could have guessed that once the initial excitement of getting married wore off that there would be a decline in the number of marriage ceremonies. Maybe not such a dramatic decline, but one nonetheless. The beauty of this is that we don't have to get married, because its our right.

I had a birthday party this last weekend and I publicly thanked my "partner" of 11 years for all of his love and support. One of my friends from worked asked why I called him my partner instead of my husband. It was a good question and I didn't have a great answer. Perhaps it is all of the years of substituting "partner" since "husband" is a legal fantasy at this point in U.S. history. I'll continue working towards gaining the right to call my "partner" my "husband" so that one day I can choose not to.

English Air

Last night I went to a favorite restaurant bar owned by a couple of friends of mine. As the night slipped away and the shots kept coming, we were joined by a trio of English flight attendants. I can honestly say they were one of the most unique bunch of people I have ever met in my life! I do mean that in the most delightful way, but were they ever odd!

One was half Irish, half English - born in Ireland and raised in England. Another was born in Spain and later moved to England. The last I have no idea about, other than the fact that he was hot. As we covered everything from circumcisions to eyeglasses, it became readily apparent that there was a great deal in common. What struck me is that no one was really looking for commonalities, we just naturally found them. Perhaps that is because Queers naturally have quite a few things in common, at least when it comes to taste in men and accessories.

So the three flight attendants regaled us with stories of their sorted exploits. It was delicious. I realized that while these guys were considerably younger than I am, I momentarily wanted to go to flight attendant school and learn how to do that seat belt demonstration thing so that I too could go to exotic lands and meet exotic men.

But, alas, the night came to a close and I was off to the casa without signing up for flight attendant school. In the end, traveling around the world meeting new guys all of the time just isn't that much fun. Hold on, let me try again, meeting new guys all of the time just isn't that much. Isn't that much fun. I'm going to keep repeating this to myself, it may take a while to believe. Tray tables up, please.

The Fall of a City Attorney

In the City of Angels, there are awesome ascents and even more spectacular descents. Today, we witness the beginning of the end for the hypocrtic Los Angeles City Attorney, Rocky Delgadillo.

As Rocky was in court yesterday to argue for an even longer sentence for his nemesis Paris Hilton, Rocky was cornered by reporters and forced to shed light on the skeletons in his own closet. The public has heard the bones rattling for a while and yesterday Rocky was forced to open the door and let everyone see what all the noise was. And what an amazing glimpse it was.

Paris Hilton sits in the Lynwood jail for driving on a suspended license. This was a violation of her November 2006 probation. The probation stemmed from Paris' September 2006 DUI conviction.

On July 25, 2004, Rocky Delgadillo's wife, Michelle, had her license suspended for three years. The suspension was the result of an accident Michelle had where she failed to provide proof of insurance. Michelle failed to file a report of the accident with the DMV as required by law when the accident involves injury or damage in the amount of $750 or greater. The other driver filed the report with the DMV. That same month, Michelle crashed Rocky's city-issued SUV into a pole. Rocky had the vehicle repaired at tax-payer expense to the tune of $1,222. Rocky decided on Monday he should reimburse the city for this cost - three years after the fact. On Sept. 13, 2005, Michelle was ticketed for another traffic violation, but was not even cited for having a suspended license. Michelle, of course, did not have insurance this time either.

Rocky was quick to point out that Paris was driving drunk, making her crime much worse that Rocky's wife's crimes. Paris, however, did not hit anyone. Paris did not hit anyone without insurance. Paris did not crash her car and make tax-payers pay for it. No, Paris' crime was a victimless crime, which cannot be said of Michelle Delgadillo's escapades which left an accident victim unreimbursed and tax-payers victimized.

I only hope that Rocky can summon the courage and honor to be the professional he has thus far failed to be by submitting his resignation immediately.

Paris in the Summer

As Paris sits in her jail cell in Lynwood, I can't help but feel empathy for her. No, I didn't say that I feel sorry for her. I understand that what she did was wrong. Three years of law school taught me that much. It is clear that Paris doesn't want to go to jail and certainly doesn't want to stay there if she does, but it doesn't appear that she will be able to escape the public scrutiny if she doesn't do every last minute of her sentence. After the Sheriff Lee Baca debacle, the L.A. City Attorney Rocky Delgadillo is certain to make sure that Paris stays behind bars so that the Rockster can show how tough on crime he really is.

So why do I have empathy for Paris? Because she is a spoiled kid that never grew up. Paris, who need discipline and self-respect more than she needs another little dog or new car, can't seem to get the basic life skills from Mommy and Daddy. I won't start throwing stones because I'd hate for my glass house to start taking hits, but how can it not be evident to even the most casual observer that Paris is nothing more than an undereducated, overindulged child? Such a child needs love and discipline, neither of which she will get in the Lynwood jail.

I say to Rocky Delgadillo, if you really want to show how tough on crime you are, get Paris some help that will yield long-lasting results. What you have done here is give Paris fodder for future interviews, books, and maybe even videos. Nothing has been done to save Paris from herself.

Long Beach Pride

So I thought I would give a quick follow-up to Long Beach Pride. The weekend festivities were filled with everything that you hope Pride weekend is filled with - boys, booze, and boys. Gee, I hate to be cliche, but years of experience has told me these are the best ingredients for a good Pride. Oh sure, it is important that you have a parade that kicks ass, that the festival have incredible talent, and that there are plenty of rainbow junk vendors, but the real beauty of the festival lies in the quality of the beer and the quality of the boys!

I have read recently about the likely demise of gay pride events as homos become homogenized in society. Maybe someday there will need to be a scaling back of our oh-so-fabulous Queer spectaculars - wait - what am I saying? We shouldn't have a gay pride event because we are so mixed in with the heteros that we don't need to celebrate ourselves? If we were to follow this line of reasoning, every St. Patrick's Day parade, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day parade, and Mardi Gras parade should be cancelled. Indeed, I fully suspect that as long as there are Queers willing to line the parade spots and the parade routes and as long as there are good beer and better boys, we'll continue to celebrate our diversity in the same kick-ass manner we always have.

Fast-Track Mel to Sainthood--Prevent More Movies!

It only takes two miracles to make the fast-track to Sainthood! Surely the grosses of Apocalypto serve as one miracle, as the flick should have been shunned like a Raver in a Mennonite village by women, Jews, the entire LGBT community, actual movie lovers, non-torture enthusiasts, etc. Mel's powers are supernatural! Get this man to Opus Dei, and away from my Netflix choices.

---Notorious AR

Bullying in the Workplace--U.S. just starting to notice

In the British Isles bullying is a very serious, oft-written about workplace issue, whereas in the U.S. it seems to be strictly limited to a school setting.

Here is quite an informative article from Bully Online that elaborates on this interesting topic. Although bullying is not to be confused with hostile work environment, which is still based upon the usual protected categories, the debate over what might constitute this behavior (think of movies such as Boiler Room) is quite pertinent. Bully Online says:

Bullying differs from harassment and discrimination in that the focus is rarely based on gender, race, or disability. The focus is often on competence, or rather the alleged lack of competence of the bullied person. In reality, the target of bullying is often competent and popular, and the bully is aggressively projecting their own social, interpersonal and professional inadequacy onto their target. The purpose of projection is to avoid facing up to that inadequacy and doing something about it, and - mainly - to distract and divert attention away from the bully’s inadequacies, shortcomings and failings. In most cases, the bullying you see is the tip of an iceberg of wrongdoing by the bully.

And are the differential perceptions based on cultural differences? Or are we making certain in-roads in the U.S., as exemplified by the Hawaii Government?
This will be a long time coming. The American way is to encourage meanness--you're a big girl, you can take it. However, I think the key to push is dignity--That's how the Europeans frame the issue, Dignity at Work. You shouldn't *have* to respond to this behavior. Bully online offers a guideline to changing the workplace environment.
--Notorious AR

"That's So Gay"

A friend of mine sent me an article about an case in Santa Rosa where a high school student who had been disciplined for using the phrase, "That's So Gay," failed in her bid to receive monetary compensation for being disciplined and "mercilessly" teased. As interesting as the result of the case was, the arguments of the teenager, Rebekah Rice, were even more interesting.

Rice argued that 1) the school district violated Rice's First Amendment rights and 2) the school had a double standard because its teachers never sough to protect Rice from teasing based on Mormon stereotypes. Rice's lawyer obviously didn't spend much time in the first year law school class called, of all things, "Constitutional Law." If s/he had spent more time there, they would have learned that there are exceptions to free speech. You can't say whatever the hell you want whenever you want. You can't cause panic. You can't overthrow the government. You can't incite a crime. Two additional areas that likely torpedoed Rice's claim was the prohibition against defamation and the prohibition against fighting words. Defamation is prohibited and is defined, in short, as harming the reputation of another. If something that is stupid or repulsive is referred to as "so gay" and I am gay, then I am also stupid or repulsive. Since in reality I am neither stupid nor repulsive, you have alleged a fact that is false and caused me harm. The second exception that applies here is known as "fighting words." Chaplinsky v. New Hampshirestated that words meant to inflict injury or an immediate breach of peace are prohibited. Does, "That's So Gay" qualify? Well, this is one Queer that has known to be incited to immediately breach the peace upon hearing the phrase.

The Rice's second argument is less interesting, but equally delusional. It is the age-old argument of "Well, she started it!" To be more legalistic, the Rice's had to establish a duty, then prove that the district breached that duty, and finally that Rice suffered as a result of that breach. Obviously, since Rice was already under fire for her comment, the proffering of this claim amounted to little more than pointing to everyone else and saying they are guilty too.

The big surprise here: Rice never admitted any wrong doing. She never said she misspoke, but should have been punished less severely. She never said she knows she may have unwittingly caused some people to have their feelings hurt, but didn't feel the punishment fit the crime. Those things I would get. Maybe the punishment was too harsh, who knows. To say that you are entitled to say ,"That's So Gay" as a Constitutional right and that the school district was not identifying other idiots is a very poor legal and moral argument.

Queers have fought for a long time to be able to voice their opinions when and where they please. We are used to disparaging remarks about the LGBTQ population. When there is an event such as this that decides it is not okay to use our sexual orientation as an adjective for something that sucks, it is a good day. For Rebekah Rice, I wish you the very best in your quest for the fulfillment of your Constitutional Rights. You may not have the freedom of speech you seek, but you certainly have the right to waste your money on really stupid law suits. God Bless America.

Internet Bullying

I happened across this story in the latest Slate
and I find it relevant both as a story about blogging, and as a very disturbing collateral effect of gender discrimination. Kathy Sierra either disbanded her blog or at least reduced activity on her blog due to repeated attacks against her by anonymous and semi-anonymous posters to her blog and other blogs. The attacks involved the typical language and gender epithets usually expressed to bully a woman into a state of fear, including expressions of sexual violence. Photo-shopped graphics were also posted, apparently with the intention of terrorizing Ms. Sierra.
Ms. Sierra’s blog concerned metacognition and computers, not abortion, the EPA, Equal Pay, Gay rights or any usual incendiary subjects. Yet, the vitriol directed towards her would seem that she had done a disservice to the very essence of manhood (the attacks were more than likely from all male posters). In fact, according to Slate, such posts against females on the net, including bloggers, are on the rise. One question becomes how does a woman handle this—get away as soon as possible, or refuse to be cowed. That probably depends upon the woman and her ability and sensitivity to targeted violence—I doubt Ms. Sierra even imagined that such misogynistic reaction would occur. A macrocosmic take is that the reaction from these males explains why gender discrimination is still prevalent, and still so hard to fight. Any time a woman is able to professionally and competently, not to mention expertly, present herself as an authority on an issue, it seems to provoke an atavistic response to take her down. This fear, hatred and violence is just under the surface of certain men, and expressed in the freedom of web anonymity, but also in every condescending comment to a female worker, every instance of favoritism towards a male employee, every action taken on a sense of entitlement to a sexual favor (the same under-acknowledged problem of misogynistic attitude exists in the still-unsolved decades-long murder and torture of women in
Juarez
Mexico. In a way, I’m glad this phenomena has occurred, as it may remind women, and men who support womens’ causes, that until such behavior and misogynistic opinions are considered by the populace to be the wrong thing to do, and such sentiment is continually expressed over these actions gender discrimination will never end. I would bet money without even checking that the same issue applies for any gay bloggers--we all know the first insults and invectives that the truly evolved rhetoraticians in cyberspace use against women and those of or supportive of LGBT.
--Notorious AR

Pride

So this weekend is the Long Beach, CA Gay Pride event. It is a alleged to be one of the largest in the country after New York and San Francisco. It IS big. And it is a lot of fun. There is so much criticism each year that there is nothing different about Pride, its the same boys in thongs, the same tired old drag queens, and the same dikes on bikes. But the truth is, its not all the same. The boys in thongs from ten years ago are now on the sidelines watching the new boys in thongs. The tired old drag queens are new tired old drag queens. The dikes on bikes, well okay, maybe they are the same. But who doesn't just wonder which lesbian will pop a wheelie and tear through the crowd. Its almost as good as NASCAR.

A lot of us have had the chance to play in or around Pride events in the past. It is disingenuous to say that no one else should get their turn to witness or be a part of the spectacle. We don't go to Disneyland than ask that it be shut down because we've already seen it. The Pride parades and events are now as much tradition as they are opportunities to express freedom in regards to sexual orientation, gender identity, attire expression, etc.

In addition to those who claim that Pride events are tired and worn-out, I still can't help but think this is the chance for the LGBTQ community to uniformly say to the population at large, "We determine who we are." Is that very right, 60's liberal? Maybe so. For 364 days out of the year, I work within the population at large expressing myself as I believe, but I am still a minority. During Pride, I am no longer that minority and I enjoy the unity. For those heteros that choose to support Queers during Pride, it is a welcome relief to be supportive in such a, well, supportive environment.

Each year there are the group of religious rights who gather to shout over their cheap-ass P.A. system how we're all going to burn in hell. I am always glad they are there because it is a reminder of what Pride is all about. For each of those religious nut jobs standing there, there are thousands more like them who are not at Pride, but who would say and think the same things as the people promising me hell in a hand basket if I don't stop performing the art of fellatio. I am always grateful for the chance to demonstrate to the holier-than-thou's that God's love is permanent and unwavering. I am not going to be punished for being gay since that is the way He made me and they won't be punished for being assholes, because that is the way He made them.

The one thing I will say about Pride is that we need to continue to make it bigger and better and greater over the course of time. We need special effects, better beads thrown to the audience, more people in attendance, and more almost-naked go-go boys. The only question about Pride should be how great it will be, not whether it will be at all.

Feeling Good For Free

The last couple of weeks have just been a feeding frenzy of falling celebrities. Paris with her going to jail saga, the Hoff with his daughter taping his drunken stupor, Kim squealing on Alec for calling their daughter a little pig, and the adorable Ty Pennington being charged with a DUI. It sure is hard to be a celebrity these days with everyone watching every move you make. Sure, I know that it is great press and we all love to read and talk about it - just like I am doing right now. The other day I was watching an interview with the Shia LeBeouf who stars in the new thriller Disturbia. He was going on about how people who watch movies are just voyeurs who don't want to face their own lives and their own realities. I thought, isn't that bitch? I am going to pay to see your dumb-ass movie and you think that my life is so pathetic that I'd rather pay $10 bucks to watch you for an hour and a half than face my own dismal reality. Well, Shia, you don't understand that all I have to do to feel better about my life is to go to TMZ.com and watch all of the celebrities just like you screw up their own lives. And the best part, Shia ol' buddy, I can watch it all for free.

Sign of the Coming Apocalypse

While I anticipate the intrusion of the Geico Caveman commercials as much as Angela Merkal anticipates another neckrub from Dubya (my favorite commercial is the guy who lipsyncs to "Urgent" for Verizon), I had to wonder what sort of analysis was being sallied forth on the social undertones of these ads. Not questioning the appeal, I'm just assuming people who like this stuff are high. Just the undertones. The commercial featuring the caveman who is scorned by his caveman buddies for buying Geico insurance kinda reminds me of a Log Cabin Republican shunned by more radical queers, for example. So I took a spin on the net, and for sure found many, many, debates by people with lots of time to spend arguing as to whether the cavemen were black minstrel stereotypes. Or perhaps gay chariactures! Oddly, no one suggests they may be both. This mishigos is mostly on Utube, although I expect an E True Hollywood Story at any minute. -- Notorious AR

The Real Story

A high school student in Fresno, Cinthia Covarrubias, decided that he should run for Prom King. The student is a transgender student, born female now identifying as male. So here he is a senior in high school not only having figured out what many transgenders take a lifetime to wrap their heads around, and he want to be Prom King.

So the royalty-to-be has hit all the major news outlets from CNN on down the line. The interesting thing is that most of the major news sources are carrying a story of a girl that wants to be Prom King. The mainstream media is masking the fact that this is a transgender student for the sake of sensationalism, as if it is more shocking to have a girl running for Prom King than a transgender student running for the Royal Court. I am not about to say that there exist gender equality in schools, but there have been countless advances of biological females who identify as females versus biological females that identify as males. In short, the transgender students have a few hundred generations of catching up to do.

If a biological females identifying as a female were to run for Prom King, so what? We've all seen Victor Victoria. Big deal. There have been such females on the wrestling team, the football team, and the hockey team. If you can hold your on, your in. But this story is different. This is about a high school senior who has figured out his gender identity and is ready to pursue his goals in life - all before he's graduated from high school. I immediately throw this awesome student into the Queeroes category. He may be a biological female, but he sure has balls.

Communication Failure

Yesterday Roseanne Barr had Noam Chomsky on her show. For those of you who are unfamiliar with him, Dr. Chomsky is an MIT Professor Emeritus of linguistics, but is perhaps better known as being an incredible political philosopher. Listening to Noam is like listening to an all you can eat buffet. Like the buffet, there comes a point where you want more of the delicious food, but you can't possibly take another bite. He's that good.

During his talk with Roseanne, Noam made reference to communication failure. I have come to believe, through emails with Roseanne, that her and I have both suffered a communication failure. Roseanne suffered a communication failure when she made critical comments about the LGBTQ community and I suffered a communication failure when I did not consider the larger context of her comments.

Since bringing up my beef with Roseanne, I have received many emails that support Roseanne's position. Many people do believe that the Queer community is too self-centered and only concerned about the issues that directly impact the LGBTQ community. While I may not personally agree with this, I am Queer enough to admit that this is a valid paradigm. Having admitted this much, perhaps I owe Roseanne an apology. Speaking of apologies, Roseanne has profusely apologized for her remarks. She has made amends for her communication failure, even posting ways she should have stated her comments. Enough said. Roseanne, I accept your apology and I extend an apology for you for not giving you the opportunity to apologize or explain yourself.

So there you have it. Never let is be said that this Queer is too good for an apology. Just don't get used to it.

Today 33 people were shot and killed at Virginia Tech. 33 kids were shot. God Bless each of them.

The gunmen is dead.

We don't always get a second chance. Go make up with the one you are fighting with. Go play with your children and your pets. Make it to the gym.

Love today like its your last. Love it with all of your heart and mind. Love it until you are exhausted.

Tomorrow is not promised to us.

Roseanne Speaks

And the drama continues! After posting my blog yesterday, I sent the following letter to KCAA AM 1050, the station that host Roseanne Barr's radio show:

Dear KCAA-AM General Manager:

I am writing to voice my deep concern over Roseanne Barr's statements regarding gays and lesbians where she stated: "They don’t care about minimum wage. They don’t care about any other group other than their own selves because, you know, some people say being gay and lesbian is a totally narcissistic thing, and sometimes I wonder." I am appalled that Ms. Barr has the audacity to criticize a demographic that has been very supportive of her in the past. I certainly hope that your station does not support Ms. Barr's position. I am a free speech advocate and urge Ms. Barr's exercise of that right. I will be exercising my freedom of choice in broadcasting alternatives.

--This morning, much to my surprise, I received the following response:

"this is roseanne barr, and I felt compelled to say that actually, the gay community has never had an advocate who has put themselves on the line more times than I have. The fact that you misconstrue that as gays supporting me, is really disingenuous, in my opinion.. Any DECENT person would have accepted my repeated apologies. I am going to read your letter on the air and talk about the fact that one mispoken sentence voids years of my efforts, from forcing the networks to include gay themes and characters to sponsoring a suicide hotline for gay teens. Those looking for tolerance and undertanding who do not give it back are hypocrites of the worst kind.

Thankfully, most of my gay fans do not feel the need to hammer a mistake into the ground, and jump on a good friend who's track record on their behalf is longer than anyone else's, and self righteously attempt to destroy/silence a woman who has more than made ammends already.

I will be using your name, too. "

--Now I don't know if this was really Roseanne or not, but the response is intriguing. If this was Roseanne, I apparently hit a nerve - a big nerve! Could Roseanne actually feel that I am trying to destroy or silence her? Is that even possible? I have cordially invited Roseanne to address the LGBTQ community at the Long Beach, CA Gay and Lesbian Center. I explained to her that this would be a chance to have an honest, non-hostile, candid dialogue about her views. To my surprise, again, Roseanne replied:

"Dear mr. gottis.. i do accept, but am living in las vegas now...I would love to invite your friends to call in on my radio show and discuss your reactions and let me again attempt to reconnect my radicalism into the correct action on behalf of all americans who are under attack by the right wing elements in this country!! I remain a friend to the gay folk whom i truly love, and i can take the critisism, since it is deserved! thank you so much for your reply!! When I am back in la, i will come on over too!"

So now what? Leave your comment and let me know how I should respond!

Lowering the Barr

On Tuesday, Roseanne Barr dealt a blow to gays and lesbians on her radio show by declaring:

"They don’t care about minimum wage. They don’t care about any other group other than their own selves because, you know, some people say being gay and lesbian is a totally narcissistic thing, and sometimes I wonder."

Isn't that a kick in the groin? After years of support from the LGBTQ community for her stand-up routines, her television series, and her failed public appearances, this is what we get. We have accepted Roseanne in spite of herself and this is the gratitude we receive! We have accepted Roseanne as the serial bride, the serial dieter, and, up to now, the serial offender. The worst part is that what she said was not funny. It wasn't meant to be funny.

If you want to joke about the amount of time gays take to get ready, the amount we spend on clothes, the amount of product in our hair - I get it. But to say we don't care about any other issue or group is both ridiculous and highly incendiary. There are Queer brethren in every facet of life performing every imaginable service from political lobbying to hands-on delivery of social services. There are cops, doctors, lawyers, and child-care providers that are lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered taking care of people's parents, siblings, and children. Please, Ms. Barr, tell me again how narcissistic and self-absorbed we are.

I am a free speech advocate. I encourage Ms. Barr to exercise her right to free speech. As for me, I will be exercising another right - freedom of choice. I will be exercising this right as I choose radio show other than Ms. Barr's.

Queer Death Case Not Important

The Advocate reported today that the Detroit Police Department closed the case of an elderly who suffered fatal injuries when he was hit in the back of the head with a pipe and called anti-gay slurs. The Wayne's county medical examiner determined that AndrewAnthos' degenerative spinal condition was exacerbated by a fall and did not support accounts that he had been attacked. This finding came despite eyewitness accounts that Anthos was attacked and Anthos' own disclosure that he was attacked. The picture to the left is a sketch of his attacker.

The Detroit Police Department has failed in their duty to protect and serve. The taxpayers of the city of Detroit and the state of Michigan deserve more than what the Detroit PD is delivering. Perhaps this case was too hard or too distasteful for the Detroit PD to fully pursue, but that is not their decision to make. Every citizen of Detroit has the right to justice. Who else will fall out of favor with the Detroit PD and not get the protection they are entitled to? Will it be a woman? An African American? A Latino? A handicapped person?

The closing of this case embodies the injustice that Queers in the United States continue to endure. This is why hate crimes go unreported and unnoticed. Shame on the Detroit Police Department and the Department's Police Chief, Ella M. Bully-Cummings. You have failed Andrew Anthos and you have failed all of Detroit.

Getting Your Name Out There

Television actor Jason Wahler is the latest TV idiot to hurl racial and anti-gay epitaphs in a news worthy manner. Wahler was arrested in Seattle after a scuffle with a hotel security guard and an altercation with police that led him to use the n and the f words. This is the third such encounter for the 20 year old Wahler since September. Check out the police report at TMZ. What a loser. I can't believe this is someone that anyone, let alone our children, would be aspiring to emulate. This punk, who is apparently of Generation I (I for Idiot), should be the beaming example of the next generation's inclusivity and tolerance.

Instead, Wahler, who was to begin a 60 day jail sentence in May for punching a tow truck driver in L.A., has himself chosen to emulate the great Mel Gibson in his use of racial and anti-gay slurs. I wonder if he will blame it on alcoholism like Mel, or claim that he has a real "problem" like Isaiah Washington when he hurled the f word at fellow Grey's Anatomy co-star T.R. Knight. I guess Wahler will have to wait and see which avenue his publicist is going to take. Look really sad, Wahler. Get a tear in your eye if you can. That's what we really like in an apology.

With an-ever growing line of straight, male actors who are using racial and anti-gay epitaphs, I can't help but wonder if this isn't just a way to get your name out there. Maybe when you are getting on in years (Mel), competing with a cast more talented that yourself (Isaiah), or clinging to some TV series that won't be around in two years (Wahler), making the news by merely calling someone a f-- or a n----- just makes good sense. It is like free publicity, right?

Well, yes, but consider for a moment the consequences that come along with this kind of publicity. I, for one, will never again pay to see a Mel Gibson movie. In fact, if I could find a way to flood the market with pirated Gibson movies without going to jail, I would. Of course jail would be a remote possibly because Mel's movies generally suck and wouldn't sell very well. Back to my point though, getting publicity by being an ass does not have the same value as getting publicity by not being an ass. Mel has polarized the media and to some extent society in general. He will never again enjoy the success of Passion because he has lost a significant portion of his audience. Grey's Anatomy has enough compelling talent on the show to keep it going strong despite Isaiah Washington, but that leaves Wahler in the predicament of not have a significant following and not being on any show with compelling talent to take up the slack for his repulsive behavior. In Wahler's case, this kind of publicity could be a kiss of death.

We all like bad boys, so long as it is controlled bad boy fun. We like tattoos, motorcycles, and even the occasional scowl. What we don't like is when bad boy fun stops being fun. We don't like when telephones are thrown at hotel staff (Russell Crowe), camera men are insulted (Elton John), or when minors are killed needlessly in Beverly Hills car wrecks (Lance Garrison). Wahler's name calling, while not lethal, strays down the path of not-so-fun bad boy behavior. He's dispelled the myth and revealed himself to be ugly and stupid. Its hard to love ugly and stupid.

So for those aspiring actors trying to get your name out there, don't follow the example of Jason Wahler or the other Hollywood types that think any publicity is good publicity. The fact is, racial slurs and anti-gay name calling has gone the way of wearing stretch pants, sporting bandannas, and trashing your hotel room. If you want to be a great actor, concentrate on being a great actor.

Magic Kingdom

On April 6, 2007, the Walt Disney Company announced that same-sex couples were allowed to take part in wedding ceremonies at the company's California and Florida resorts. This is a big step for Disney to recognize the rights of the Queer community to participate in the ceremonies, blah, blah, blah. I would love to give this move by the Walt Disney Company the respect it deserves, but give me a break. This is a company largely supported by the LGBTQ population and for them to throw us crumbs from the gourmet meals they offer to the heterosexual community just throws me into one of those Donald Duck style tantrums.

For anyone who has ever stepped foot into the Magic Kingdom, one of the pervasive traits of the park is the large number of Queers that work there. From the retail salespeople, to the ride operators, to the costumed characters, our LGBTQ brethren are there full of pride. It is blatantly obvious to even the untrained Queer eye that a significant portion of the Magic Kingdom's work force is part of the Lavender Brigade. The Walt Disney Company knows this, just as the company knows that the movies it produces have a large gay following. Sean Griffin wrote a book entitled Tinker Belles and Evil Queens in which he attributes the creation of a number of Disney characters such as Cruella de Vil, Gaston, and a host of others, to the Queer community. I happen to agree with Griffin, but even if you only agreed with him in part, you have to agree that the Walt Disney Company is inexorably tied to the Queer community.

This permanent tie is what makes the exclusion of same-sex couples from the resort's wedding ceremonies so idiotic. The Walt Disney Company was in essence making the statement that Queers can work for the company, spend untold amounts of money on the company, but could by no means be treated equally by the company. A spokesperson for Disney Orlando previously stated that in order to participate in the Orlando wedding ceremonies, each couple had to have a valid Florida marriage license. He was at a complete loss to explain why couples from out of state with wedding licenses from out of state were allowed to wed. The situation was so asinine as to be comical.

I have to disclose that I hold annual passes to Disneyland. It is a great place. I love going there with my Queer friends because it is all about fantasy. It is a world where good always triumphs and there is always a happy ending. It is a world of inclusion where the ugliest of the ugly end up with friends and someone to love so long as they are pure of heart. While I realize life isn't like this, I expect the Magic Kingdom to be like this. I also expect the company behind the Magic Kingdom to behave in a manner that is inclusive. Sometimes inclusive, partially inclusive, part-time inclusive, differentially inclusive is not good enough. So congratulations to the Walt Disney Company for making a good political move by granting same-sex wedding ceremonies in the face of massive public outcry. Perhaps next time the company will be pure of heart and make inclusivity a policy from the outset. In doing so, I wouldn't have to ponder a boycott of the Walt Disney Company and that would be the happiest ending of all.

Go Home and Die

Sometimes it is difficult to wrap our head around the policies and doctrines of foreign countries. This is particularly true when cultural and religious doctrines vastly differ from what we are accustomed to in the United States. When it comes to Britain, however, I expect there to be more commonalities than differences. For this reason, I am at a loss as to why the U.K. would deport a family with an HIV-positive mother and father back to a country where their political foes will kill them or the lack of HIV medication will.

The Manchinjillis are from Malawi, a southeastern African nation bordered by Zambia, Tanzania, and Mozambique. Before leaving for the U.K. to claim asylum, the Manchinjillis had their house burned down and were faced with persecution from their former government. When the Manchinjillis return to Malawi where over 1 million people live with HIV/AIDS, there will be no medication for them. There will be no medical care. They will be social pariahs. Soon, their seven year-old son, Dumisani, will be an orphan.

I am certain that Britain is concerned with the public cost of migration. So is the U.S. So are lots of other countries. But what about the moral cost of not permitting persons with dramatic, extenuating circumstances to remain? If you don't qualify for permanent immigration status as the result of being a political target and being a family with two HIV-positive parents, how does anyone qualify for permanent residency? Does this decision by the U.K. signal a trend where wealthy and healthy immigrants stand the best chance of being granted asylum?

As the steward of taxpayer monies, the government should stringently implement fiscal controls to ensure the judicious use of tax revenues. I understand there exists a possibility of incurring high costs as the result of permitting unfettered migration into a country. My question is, what is the long term moral and social cost of telling migrants to go home and die?

Queeroes: Our Queer Heroes

After my musings yesterday about Angry Little Queens, I am compelled to highlight some not so angry queens that are getting the job done. I am talking about a half dozen or so activists that went to the California capital city of Sacramento to tell lawmakers about anti-gay harassment on high school campuses. I am talking about youth across the nation who are taking the role of activist into their own hands and making moves to change the way that society acts. These young Queeroes have got through their noggins that we may not be able to change the way people think, but to some degree we can stiffen the penalty when their ignorance takes over.

I have long believed that one of the problems with gay leadership is that, unlike ethnic minorities or persons with disabilities, the LGBTQ population can seemingly morph into the majority hetero population at any given time. I believe that if we had large Q's embroidered on all our clothes that our need to be full-time activists would greatly increase. Each Queer would be forced into a leadership role for the sake of survival. That's horribly dangerous, you say? Yip. It was dangerous for every Civil Rights marcher in the South too. People could get killed, you say? Yip. But wake up, Queers are getting killed now. We all know the incredibly sad stories of Brandon Teena and Matthew Shepard, but I am talking about recent murders like that of Ryan Skipper who was stabbed to death last month in Florida. He was stabbed to death by two men in his own car. Ryan's lifeless body was thrown out before the two men drove the car around to their friends' houses pointing out the blood stains in the car. Harassment, beatings, and killings still plague the Queer community. It will take leadership to bring this injustice to an end.

The Queeroes I mentioned in the beginning are accepting this leadership challenge. With 84% of LGBTQ youth experiencing harassment in school, these Queeroes are putting their selves at risk in the hopes of making a difference. May we all be so brave.

Angry Little Queens

Angry Little Queens make me laugh so hard. We've all seen them, but do we understand them? C'mon, you know what I am talking about. These are the hair product laden little lads that literally glide past you in bars, clubs, and other Queeresque places with a look of utter disgust on their faces. Sure they look great in their tight little jeans and sheer t-shirts. Boy, I bet their little sisters are really pissed when they find their favorite clothes missing. But anyway, there they are looking all as hell fantastic...until you reach their tender little faces that are scrunched up into some unrecognizable fit of I don't know what.

I'm not old yet, but I remember 10 years ago when I was the same age as these Angry Little Queens. Oh what a wonderful time it was coming out and meeting guys like myself and well, you get the idea. Some people look back on high school with affection. I would say the same for first coming out. There was a sense of freedom and limitlessness. So what the hell are these Angry Little Queens so angry about?! This should be a time when the world is at their feet and the weight of it is not yet on their shoulders. Instead, they walk around casting glances of death at unsuspecting commoners.

What these little guys don't get is that Angry Little Queens, if not cured, turn into Angry Old Queens. The time to get help is now. There is a basic law of nature that is immutable. People like nice people. There is no escaping this truth. If the Angry Little Queens are expecting to age with friends and to have a content life complete with the ability to get laid on a regular basis, the attitude will have to go. The expiration date on this attitude is about as short as that one guy I met in Boston who didn't have to kneel down to give me, well, more about that later. So here is some free unsolicited advice. Everyone loves a Queen, young or old. Nobody loves an Angry Queen, young or old.

Calling it Quits

I recently had a blowout with my brother over a financial deal that we had. It was all over a truck and the thing went sour and in a matter of a minute we stopped talking to each other for six weeks. Nothing horrible was said, it didn't need to be. We were both pissed off and that is all it took. I was in Vegas this past weekend and recalled a trip there with my brother where we did nothing but argue all the way from L.A. to Vegas. By the time we got there, we were both so furious with each other that we had a "wrestling match" in the hotel room that ended in one bloody lip, a black eye, and the obligatory broken lamp. As I was reminiscing about this wonderful time, I text messaged my brother and asked if he needed another Vegas ass kicking. A minute later the six week period of silence was broken when he called up laughing.

Its great we're talking, but I am stuck with the realization that the past six weeks can't be done over. Everything that happened is gone and "catching up" results in a 90 second recap that amounts to nothing. It is like those Christmas cards you get where people try to tell you everything that happened over the past year. If you can even manage to get through one of those stupid cards, you are left with that So What? feeling. My talk with my brother the other day left me with the same feeling. Great, we made up, but the time is gone. You missed it. I missed it. He's telling me all about work and stuff and all I can think is So What?

I realize I have thrust a lot of people out of my life for dumb reasons. After this latest argument with my brother, I am going to stop that. When I give someone the boot, it is going to be for a good reason and probably for a long time if not permanently. The next time I call it quits I am going to make sure I don't look back over the missed time I can't get back.

Who's On Your Team?

Sometimes we get sucker punched. Sometimes we get our asses kicked. Sometimes we need a little help from a teammate. So who is on your team? As I read the daily headlines, I can't help but wonder how many people don't have anyone on their teams. I immediately think about Anna Nicole Smith and the autopsy results that were released this week. The coroner indicated that she had taken a bunch of over-the-counter cold medication in addition to a boatload of other stuff including antibiotics for an infection in her leg. It is this part that gets me. Her friends put her in an ice bath to bring down her temperature of 105, but they didn't get her to a hospital. They said she refused.

This is where your teammates come in. When you are too stupid, stubborn, or drunk to help yourself, your teammates take over. When you have a temp of 105 and some weird infection in your leg, your teammates call 911 even though you tell them not to. Anna's wasn't some suicide that took place in a remote mountain cabin, this was a slow overdose at the Hardrock Hotel with lots of friends around. Anna may have had friends around, but she sure as hell didn't have any teammates.

If you have been following Alberto Gonzalez, the soon to be ousted Attorney General of the United States, you will see a similar scenario unfolding. Alberto has clearly abused some of his power, but none of his teammates are coming in to tell him how to diffuse the situation. He thought the President was on his team, but he is quickly figuring out that the President has the luxury of switching teams at will. Alberto has got the ball and is ready for the pass, but has realized all of his teammates are gone. He'll be holding the ball until the day his office is packed up and shipped out.

On a daily basis we don't usually stop to assess who is on our team. Probably because on a daily basis we don't need to. It is when we hit a rough spot - a break up, a financial hiccup, an indictment - that we start looking around to see who is still on the court with us. The ones that will be there are the ones that have shown up because of years of relationship cultivation and some inexplicable universal design. We expect those we have known forever to be there, but sometimes people are strategically placed in our lives for a critical moment. In that brief minute, they become that team member that saves your assets, your job, or maybe your life.

Take a look around. Who's on Your Team?

Offensive Displays of Public Affection Should be Banned

Today a veritable boatload of lesbians will descend upon and IHOP in Grandview, Missouri to protest the ousting of 4 lesbians, two of which upset the restaurant by kissing in public. The cavalcade of lesbians will be bringing brooms to "clean up the corporate brush-off" received by the four booted lesbians.

Now the facts of the story are fuzzy as to whether it was the management of the IHOP or customers that had problem with the public display of affection, but I will say it doesn't matter. I completely agree that offensive displays of public affection should be banned for the good of society. I have compiled a list of offensive displays of public affection that should be banned forever: 1) Courtney Love and Bruce Willis. 2) Any image with Whitney and Bobby. (I still get chills). 3) Tom Green and any animal. 4) Michael Jackson and any, um, anyone. 5) Donald Trump and his hair. 6) Jeff Goldblum and Nicole Richie. 7) Hugh Hefner and any playmate.

I think the Queer community might be in a position to make a deal here. If we promised not to engage in public displays of affection that could be found offensive, we can leverage the prohibition of the aforementioned offensive acts! We could also agree that the mere definition of offensive can be determined by a small number of individuals, say the number that could fit into an IHOP in a small Missouri town. What's good for Grandview, Mo, is most certainly good for the rest of us.

But why stop at banning offensive displays of affection. How about if we ban stupid people? I would have to suggest that we start at that little IHOP in Grandview. After all, I find stupid people offensive, so that should be barred from sharing the same space with me. Of course, this would certainly mean a rapid decline in the patrons and management at the Grandview IHOP, but I maintain that as a beef jerky chewing, tractor riding, red blood American, I don't have to subject myself to anything that offends me. Much less a person with a sexual orientation that I am not used to.

Of course, there are heroes in this story. The heroes are the four lesbians who didn't give a damn in the first place. These heroes didn't give a damn about spreading the word about what happened to them. The individuals staging a protest tonight are also heroes because they aren't passively letting injustices transpire. If the customers and staff found the lesbian kiss offensive, I am certain droves of lesbians and lesbian supporters convening at the IHOP will be found to be offensive with a side of offensive.

Give Garrison a Break

On March 14, Garrison Keillor offended a lot of people. Garrision is, of course, the satirist of Prairie Home Companion fame. Garrison said on Salon.com that "The country has come to accept stereotypical gay men—sardonic fellows with fussy hair who live in overdecorated apartments with a striped sofa and a small weird dog and who worship campy performers. If they want to be accepted as couples and daddies, however, the flamboyance may have to be brought under control." The proverbial firestorm has since ensued.

If you have listened extensively to Garrison on NPR's Prairie Home Companion, you can't help but find him endearing. He has a colloquial way of putting things that generally makes you laugh your ass off. He makes fun of the Lutheran's and family members and anything else that comes to mind. The satire is done in a very gentle fashion however, with glancing blows for effect, never with direct hits. The problem with the gay remark is that it didn't make us laugh, it wasn't colloquial, and it was a direct hit. It is the flamboyance of our Queer brothers that is such a big problem for so many heteros and even some of butcher Queer brethren. It is the flamboyance that people point to as a deficiency and a reason not being good enough; not a good enough son, not a good enough co-worker, not a good enough parent.

Garrison's awkward apology didn't make things any better. He said he works around gay people. He said he comes from a small world. I really hate when people use the "I knew a gay guy once" credibility builder. I don't care about your one real or imaginary gay friend. So, Garrison, because you know gays doesn't mean you can make bad fun of them. Good fun is fine, but you have to pretend punch, not really punch. You remember that from the Kindergarten playground, right? As far as Garrison's "small world" goes, he travels around the nation with his show each week. His world is seemingly larger than most. (You can read his response here: http://prairiehome.publicradio.org/).

So why give Garrison a break? Because he is an entertainer. He is a comedian of sorts. And he is usually very, very good at what he does. I don't know how many years I have listed to him and have, until now, never been even remotely offended. There will be those out there who will not give Garrison a second chance and I would suggest that while his statement was a mistake, it was innocent and not mean-spirited. I am most certain he will never come close to the edge of this abyss again.

Besides, if Garrison is going to apologize for anything, I would rather he begin with apologizing for last year's Prairie Home Companion movie.

Swagger, Don't Sway

You've got to love the Philippines. According to advocate.com, Philippine police have issued a warning to officers not to sway their hips or display other suggestive behavior while on duty or they could risk losing their jobs. What a great country where you have to issue an warning like this! I wish that they would have to issue a warning like that in the U.S. "All you hot cops stop swaying your hips and grabbing your crotches or you'll be fired." Ah, what a perfect world it would be.

How prevalent could this problem have been that an official warning had to be issued and international attention drawn to epidemic? That's a lot of hip swaying! Philippine National Police Spokesman Chief Superintendent Samuel Padilao said that the department doesn't discriminate based on one's sexual orientation, but it does scrutinize conduct of those in uniform. I have to say, having spent some time with someone from the Philippines, his perception of living there was that homophobia was rampant. While there is a growing acceptance of gays, it is by no means an out and about kind of society. This leads me to wonder whether the prohibition against hip swaying is actually the result of systematic homophobia within the police force. This could be some awkward way of dealing with gays on the force. Maybe its a kind of Don't Ask, Don't Sway policy.

Your Never to Young to be an Idiot

A couple of Chicago High School students are trying to get their day in Federal Court claiming that their free speech rights were trampled when they weren't permitted to wear shirts proclaiming, "My Day of Silence, Straight Alliance. Be Happy, Not Gay." I've made up a new shirt for these kids. It reads, "Ignore me. I'm an idiot."

Schwarzenegger Gets His Groove

Since Arnold came into office, it has been a roller coaster of hope. When he was first elected, hopes were high. When he tried to push a series of referendum measures onto California voters, hopes were spiraling downward. By the time he vetoed the Gay Marriage Bill, AB 849 in September of 2005, hope for him as a governor and a person were at all time lows.

But the ride isn't over. After winning a relatively easy re-election, Arnold has begun to come into his own by creating his own political identity. Arnold was successful at creating his own persona in bodybuilding and as a never before seen Hollywood character and now he is attempting to do the same in politics. The nice thing is that Arnold is doing this unabashedly. Just today I read an article about Arnold responding to comments made by Rush Limbaugh denigrating Arnold's shift away from typical Republican stances towards more centrist paradigms.

Whether this is a smart political move on Arnold's part or a desire to reach out to more of his constituents and potential constituents doesn't really matter. Frankly, whether Arnold passes the next Gay Marriage Bill because he cares about me or because he wants my vote doesn't matter to me one bit. Politics is business, folks, and this is politics. If Arnold promised to unite Queers in Holy Matrimony, I will most certainly cast my vote for him regardless of what his true underlying feelings may or may not be about the gay marriage.

Of course, given Arnold's ability to have every stupid thing he has ever said recorded in one way or another, I suspect that sooner or later we will learn his real views on gay marriage.

We'll have to stay tuned and see what Arnold does over the next few months. I suspect as he finds his place in politics by trying on different hats, he will end up being the epitome of a centrist politician. This is a natural spot for him. Surprisingly, I have seen few parallels drawn between The Terminator and Jesse "The Body" Ventura, the former pro wrestler elected Governor of Minnesota in 1998. Jesse ran and won on the Independent Party ticket and went on to enjoy the highest approval rating of any Governor in Minnesota state history. (Some polls ranked him in the 73rd percentile). People in Minnesota, like people in California, wanted a change from politics as usual and both Arnold and Jesse delivered just that.

As a pro wrestler and an actor, mass audience appeal is critical for box office draw and continued success. Jesse took this to the Governor's office. Arnold has initially tried sticking with the party line and has apparently learned that alienated half or more of your audience is bad for business. Arnold just may have followed Jesse's lead in figuring out that doing the most for the most people yields the largest political returns.

So stay tuned and keep your fingers crossed that Arnold can pull off in Sacramento what he pulled off in his other entertainment endeavors. Lets hope that this term as Governor, like his movies, leaves you feeling like although you've seen better, it was far from the worst.

To Have and To Hold

Sometimes we just need to borrow someone for a while. Sure, maybe its not my husband, but as long as he is someones husband, that is a big turn-on for me and that is all that really matters. Now doubt be offended, after all I am Queer and we just have a different spin on sexuality and the sexual experience than you do. So let your man go for a little sweetie, at least long enough for me to have a good time and send him home wanting to come back for more.

Okay, so that's not me, but as I was searching through the m4m section of Craigslist yesterday, I was marveling at the number of guys seeking guys who are straight or married. I get the straight part. Its a conquest. We're gay guys, so we like guys and straight guys act like, well, guys. Not that I don't love a delicious little twink for dessert, but liking guys is kind of the whole premise of being a gay guy. But the married thing, I just don't get.

Is it the thrill of possibly being caught that makes being with a married dude so appealing? I'd rather keep my risky sex in public where the only consequence is endless media exposure and related public ridicule. Messing around with another woman's man just ends of with some poor rabbit boiling in a pot on my stove and battery acid on my car. Is the married part a requirement to prove that he is really straight? Well that could be since only straight married guys look through Craiglist's m4m searching for hookups with other guys.

I guess the other thing that I don't get about hooking up with straight guys is the creepy factor. That little feeling I get thinking about getting together with a married guy knowing that there is someone at home waiting for him. This feeling gets even more pronounced when I think about kids being in the picture. Now, I fully understand the process of coming out if you've made the mistake of getting married while denying your true orientation, and let me be the first to fully embrace the naked body of a man who has decided to rectify that situation permanently. I say bring him on, kids and all, and we'll be the Queer Brady Bunch. But thinking about someone waiting for this guy to come home while we're identifying anatomical marvels is just, well, creepy.

I still haven't really answered the question why our gay brethren are chasing after the married kind. I think it must be the same reason that straight guys lust after beautiful airbrushed women that don't really exist. For years successful marketing firms thrust idealized images of women at the public, making straight guys drool and women lose their minds trying to imitate the images. These same firms have been equally as successful at shoving impossible gorgeous men down our throats. (No pun intended). Now the Queer community has completely bought into it. We want the impossible. Don't just give us straight guys, give us straight married guys! Maybe by asking for the impossible, we can settle on the next best thing, while maintaining the dignity of having tried for the best.

Straight women have wised-up and rebelled against that ad agencies and publications that have turned women into something they never were and never could be. Queers should stand up and take notice that we're never going to get the A&F boy because he doesn't exist. He's not in WeHo, Chelsea, or Miami. He's not straight and he sure as hell ain't married because he is the perfectly created corporate commodity whose sole purpose is separate you from your MasterCard. If he wasn't so hot, he would be a real bastard, wouldn't he?

I think that I'll keep cruising Craigslist, and the better of my regional parks, to find that real connection. The pictures of the many gay prospects may not always be real pretty, but at least their real and at least their gay.

We Suck, But They Suck More

The area of international law is simply fascinating. It is this humongous conglomeration of treatises and conventions meant to govern the behavior of one nation towards another. The most interesting part is that none of it means a damn thing. Okay, okay. Don't get too excited. We pretend like it means something. The U.S. invokes the appropriate international legislation when it is appropriate and disregards other legislation when convenient. But so does everyone else, so its okay.

If you are clamoring for examples of this, we only have to look as far at the war in Iraq. According to the many tenets of international law, the invasion was clearly a illegal in terms of violating the rights of a sovereign nation. There has been some argument to this and unfortunately the ones who use this argument the most are dressed in camoflauge shirts that read "Impeach Bush Now!" Frankly, I still don't get that one. While it is often hard to separate legal and political issues, my statement that the Iraq War is an illegal one is rooted in international legal definition rather than in U.S. definition of the war. When other countries invade each other, it is much easier to see the non-legality of the action, its not so easy when there is perceived self-interest such as the need to protect ourselves from alleged weapons of mass destruction.

Now that the invasion of Iraq has been completely botched, there have been grumblings of invading Iran on a number of grounds, not the least of which is the admitted development of a nuclear weapons program. After the first inklings of this developing situation, I bristled with irritation and foreboding. Then I paused to remember Iran's policy on homosexuality. Iran's policy says, in short, that if two dudes are found naked under one cover without good reason, they can choose death by hanging, stoning, being halved by a sword, or being dropped from the highest perch. It is both unclear what constitutes a "good reason" or where exactly "the highest perch" is located.

Now it does take four witnesses to prove homosexuality under Islamic law, which Iran has adopted. Charges are often fabricated against gays because it is, after all, difficult to get four witnesses together to find two guys under one cover. The first two witnesses usually spoil the hunt.

In spite of the sheer idocracy of the law and the requirement for invoking it, Iran continues putting gays to death for the crime of homosexuality. A year and a half ago there was a highly publicized case of two teenagers who were lovers in life and, by way of hanging, in death. And that was after 14 months of imprisonment and 228 lashes each.

So where is the U.S.'s outrage? Where is our proclamation that we will come to the aid of the people of Iran and stop that same atrocities we held up for international scrutiny in Iraq? Do we only make a case when we are about to invade? Why were other nations such as England, France, Ireland, Italy, and Sweden more up in arms than the U.S. about the deaths of gay teenagers? Maybe it is because the U.S. is still in the process of coming out.

In the United States, we can't talk about Matthew Shepard without proclaiming that we don't care that he was gay. We can't talk about HIV without saying its not just a gay disease. We can't talk to someone who's gay without telling the story about our one gay friend. The U.S. hasn't grown up enough to accept the presence of the gay among us to go out on a limb and advocate for queers in another country. We just aren't there yet. Sure, we can invade another country in search of weapons that may, well, not exist, but we don't want to create an international scene about a couple of little queers.

When the U.S. decides that international law is not a tool of convenience, but an unbreakable convenant between sovereign entities, it can only come to the conclusion that those covenants must be enforced. Human rights treaties, nuclear proliferations treaties, and trade regulations must one day carry equal weight when the United States decides which laws it is going to enforce. The deaths of a couple of queers must someday spark the same furor as the threat of developing a weapons program. Until then, when it comes to the equal application of international law, the U.S. will continue to suck. That is okay thought, because right now, everyone else sucks more.

Setting the Pace

Today the chairman of the military Joint Chiefs of Staff said that he won't apologize for calling homosexuality immoral and incompatible with military service. Afraid to stop there for fear that the religious right wouldn't know what he meant, Pace went on to compare homosexuality to adultery. According to Pace, homosexuality and adultery are the type of immoral behavior that the military prosecutes.

It is unclear whether Pace would like to prosecute homosexuality or homosexual acts. Under the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy, being homosexual isn't a crime, so long as you don't do anything homosexual. Pace's representatives have said that Pace was merely expressing his personal opinion when he gave a formal interview to a newspaper where his comments were made. I guess no one told Pace that he no longer has the luxury of personal comments now that wears the chairman's hat, particularly when his personal opinion bears directly on currently military policy.

When I think of gays in the military, I always have to ask the "So what?" question. So what if the entire LGBT population is banned from military service? So what if you can be homosexual, but not a practicing homosexual. Well, at the end of the day it matters a lot. By excluding the LGBT population, the military is sending the clear message that homosexuals are not fit to defend this nation. The military is sending the message that gays and lesbians do not meet the standards required of this nation's fighting men and women. The military is making a qualitative judgment about the entire LGBT population in which a verdict of inadequate is rendered.

I spent 8 years in the Army before being kicked out for being gay. I started out as an enlisted Russian Linguist, then went to Officer's Candidate School and became a Field Artillery Officer. During my years in the service, I knew countless soldiers who were gay, bisexual, lesbian, and confused. Not surprising when you consider the number of hormone driven 18-25 year olds serving in the military! I also knew many soldiers who were drug users, adulterers, and fond of being absent without leave (A.W.O.L.). Ironically, I never knew one of these soldiers to get kicked out of the Army. The drug users were usually given a slap on the wrist with a little extra duty, the adulterers were largely ignored, and those that went A.W.O.L. usually lost some pay and rank. The queers on the other hand were actively pursued and hung out to dry.

Pace's "personal opinion" is merely an affirmation of what really happens in the military. My gay and lesbian brethren were best served by staying as far in the closet as possible for fear of the Pace's of the Army coming after them with reckless abandon. Of course it is pretty easy pickins' for the Pace's of the military. The LGBT crew isn't hard to find. They congregate together in the same places and when a high-ranking officer sits down a low-ranking enlisted person for little one-on-one Q&A session, you can bet Private Nancy is going to sing his heart out.

Tonight we have General Pace to thank for keeping America safe from the homosexuals who are trying to penetrate the ranks of our military. We have this crusader of Freedom to thank for keeping the military on the straight and narrow. We have a man whose self-described moral convictions lead him to denigrate soldiers who are currently under his command and to alienate potentially great soldiers from ever serving in the military. My disdain for General Pace is only outweighed by my hope that he has more military sense than common sense and he managed to bring all soldiers serving in war zones home safely. Even the homosexual ones.